for all that's worth

for all that's worth, some things seem not worth at all, anything. Some things seem worth everything yet prove to be nothing in the end. What does it mean, what counts and what does not...

Amsterdam

Hey kids, I've been to Amsterdam.

And you can find some photos here.

Roaring 20s

Prohibition, Al Capone, Rise and fall of Chicago Mafia in the next decade, and of course music. Yes. Jazz was a soundtrack of "roaring 20s". Music that was called a threat to values. Music that was a mark of fall of society. Music that allegedly led to infidelity and lewd behaviour.. Ooooh music that was so not like bluegrass or country or whatever patrons were listening to these days.
So. Why do I keep rambling about Jazz and 20s? I went yesterday to some club downtown to attend a very nice performance by little group that aimed to revive even if for just a moment that feeling, mood of the "windy city" of 20s. In black shirts with white ties on they played well known tracks. Mack the knife, Minnie the Moocher, and so on. And for a brief moment I really felt the vibe of dance halls. I imagined myself sitting by on of the tables looking down at flapper girls dancing on a hard wooden floor infront of the big stage. Well the only problem I had with this whole performance was the vocalist. I mean for some songs you have to be 1) black enough :> 2) have a voice that's burned out by smokes and whisky, 3) be about.. umm. let's say 40 years older ;) But overall it was really cool.. Roaring 20s.. 'Gangsta Jazz'.. nice.

Oh, and a girl in the photo is a model, Jenny O. She's from Chicago. Check out her portfolio, she's cute isn't she?

Peace I'm out.
[actually this entry was never ment to happen. I just forgot what I wanted to say.. oh well...]

Sartre

Hell is other people
Jean-Paul Sartre once said.. long ago.
For years I thought that he ment that what we may percieve as hell we find in actions or words of other people that are aimed toward us. That the hell we go thru periodically in our lives, is caused by those 'other people'.
Well. Actually it doesn't work that way. Hell is other people. It's about how we see ourselves thru their eyes. It's how we see them and how we let other know about it.
There are many kinds of hell, as there are many kinds of people.
And I don't only mean Dante's inferno and different levels that traitors, thieves and unfaithful "fit" but the general definition of what is hell to us.
Sometimes I think this place, this planet might be hell of some other planet.
Maybe there are no planets, dimentions for which we could be hell and everything can be found right here. If you believe in karma and life after life.. Maybe you suffer in this life cause you did something wrong in the previous one? Who knows.

Alien

Hey,
it's been a while since my last entry. It's funny, I always get to blogging when I'm bored and there's nothing going on in my life, yet when something is happening I tend to shy away from the whole blog thingie.
Anyways. It's the end of my first week at work after my 2 weeks off. I've been sick [stomach problems and such] and the good doctor gave me 2 weeks off :) Good for me? Well not exactly. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life and it doesn't look very bright or nice. Life passes me by. Train goes and I'm not even on that train. I can't say I'm passenger, I'm an alien looking, staring thru the windows of the moving train which only goes faster and faster.

When I was a kid I felt like an outcast, it bugged me back then. But since I was a kid till now.. well really not that much changed. I still feel apart from the normal life. And when I was a kid I felt it was a little deviation from the general scheme of life, and now as I get older the gap gets wider and wider.

I want exactly the same thing as everybody does. I want to be happy. I want to be with someone that cares about me and I want to have someone to watch over and care about. I want to have normal life. But hey, who have a normal life these days, huh?
I know people who envy or loathe people who have normal life, partner, goal in life, successful career or that in general found happiness in life. I don't. I really love my friends and I am happy with everyone of them whenever they find something that makes them happy. I don't envy their happiness, I just wish I had some on my own. And maybe one day I will. Someone said 'good things happen to good people'. I don't know about that. But I don't want to be evil and hurt people just to be happy on my own, so I hope it will turn out to be true.. eventually...

peace people. and if you happen to live in USA - vote Kerry, I have enough hearing of Bush, Dick, Collin and Condi..

Le croix

The cross that you carry. Your burden, your destiny, your death. Your mission, your hope, your redemption...

Do you carry your cross by yourself, or do you have anyone to lean on. Maybe you seek for such person, maybe you have found one yet don't need and you try to get carry it alone. Your burden.. your hope...

Who cares.

Peace, out.

life has funny ways

of kicking you when you're down... or helping you to get up..
There's no rule of the thumb here. No silverlining. I can't tell if something that's happening is good or bad. How it will turn out.
Sometimes I have a lot of hope that something will succeed, and when it does it turn out to be not what I've expected. And sometimes it doesn't work out. And after a while I'm thankful cause that might be bad. Weird stuff.

Strange feeling

"It's a strange feeling to be beaten by a misgiving".

- no... I can't...
- but why...
- I have a bad feeling about this...

.. what the fuck? Any idea?

Bismallahirrahmanirrahim. In the name of God, the most kind, the most merciful.
With these words begin 113 out of 114 Suras in Quran, holy book of Islam...
In the name of God... God - christians, jews and muslims share.. Cause basically it's the same god.. And by calling terrorists continue their crusade [what an irony] against western world...
There's a claim, that terrorists might use so-called dirty bomb. Dirty bomb generates not as much blast, as radioactive waste in form of nuclear fallout.. I'm afraid. For myself, people I care about, for other fellow countrymen... I'm counting days till April 28th. Economic Forum is due to take place in Warsaw on 28-30th of April, making it very good target for any terrorist group. One attack could wipe out political and economical elites of the western world.. I bet that's tempting... I'm going away days before said Forum, I will return few days after it's over. I hope I will have something to return to. I hope I will find everything in order, as I left it behind. I can only hope nothing will happen.
But I know that since we were involved in Bush crusade we will have to face consequences.. :(

group blog therapy

I stopped by blog.pl to read Wszyscy Tacy Sami.. I browsed newest additions to other totally random blogs. And you know what.. it reminds me of Group Hug.. A bunch of whining people [hey, like me! :D] writing stuff that usually noone reads. Intelectual pornography. Some people sharing their life and feeling in an erzatz of a diary for other people who gain their pleasure from peeping into other people lifes. I know why I don't read other people diaries - none of my friends run a diary. And I don't care about people I don't know. I only follow blogs that feature comic strips, novels or short stories. And why do I keep running blog? It's a form of a therapy, slash bit of megalomania... ;D
Anyway.. I have to find aunt's phone number and call her up... and I have to plan my vacation.. uh.. and work.. yeah :D

Mixmaster VJ :P

So. As I was saying I played around with VJ stuff. Effect: I have small amateur studio at home :D It occupies my hellishly small desk. I have Videonics MX-1 mixer, preview on small 14 inch tv, output on the 21 inch tv above my head [not seen in the picture], vcr, generic colour pattern and computer as sources.. Not much but it's still something to play with. All those transitions, wipes, zooms, p-i-p's, and so on are very much fun. I feel like a kid. Wheee. Now I have to find GPI cable to connect video mixer to the pc to add titles without titler or sumperimposing it in other way. I wish I had my old mac. I've read that it has GPI port and it could easily 'talk' to it plus I'd have additional source.. Oh well. Best thing about this mixer is that output from the computer is stable. No shaking, no interlace, no nothing. Purrrrfect :D

Things to do in Warsaw when you're dead

OK, it's not about movie with Andy Garcia... Apart from the fact that I'm watching it at the moment. Girl in the picture is Gabrielle Anwar and she is ab-so-lu-te-ly beautiful. No wonder she was dubbed one of the '50 most beautiful people in the world' by People magazine. If you haven't seen 'Things to do in Denver when you're dead' you should. It's a decent movie, with great cast. Buscemi, Christopher Lloyd and Christopher Walken to name few.
In other news. I went to this rave gig yesterday. It was much fun, I got hung on vj's computer.. and I think they won't let me into dj's booth anymore :D It's a shame, cause I'm just another asshole who likes to hang out in dj booth with dj's, promoters and groupies :) Oh hell, it was fun :D Anyhoo, It's almost 3 AM and I think I should go to sleep instead of watching the movie. I have to be at work at 9... crap :/

Till then, bye bye

Flag-wavers vs. whistle-blowers

One of the greatest economists of our times, Dr Francis Fukuyama, author of The End of History and The Last Man said in recent interview that Bush administration reminds him of Lenin. But what does that mean for us? Does it mean that next will be new Stalin? Some call Bush Stalin, Hitler already, but I think there's a difference between devouted Christian, who in name of God launches crusade against followers of other religion.. and Hitler.. :> Nah, I'm just kidding. Bush is not after genocide of arabic nations. It's all about Benjamins. He doesn't want to have 'lebensraum' in 'Sauditenland'. And I sometimes that sometimes he really do believe that what he does is right and justified.

But Bush policy raised a lot of questions, not only after infamous 9/11 but from the start. I'm watching closely what's going on in USA. Me as well as number of fellow Europeans. We watch.. in shock and awe.. We are afraid of new Lenin. We are afraid of imposing democracy and bringing it on tanks. We don't like when someone openly supports one regime and overthrows the other. We are not stupid, and maybe it's a hipocrisy... maybe we do have too many skeletons in our closets to judge others.. But I think we have learned that playing God is just not right. And I think in present times world gaining pace require fast learners.
World supporting USA is splitted between flag wavers and whistle blowers. I really think USA need more whistle blowers.. while Europe actually need more flag wavers. Now it's all but in balance. USA has such people as Michael Moore and Noah Chomsky. On the other side of the Atlantic I don't see flag wavers that don't fall under 'fascist' or 'bigot' category.

Yeah.. she is..

Hey. It's funny.. [kinda] new funny song.. from guys from Texas.. Punk rock in Texas? State where clubs close at 2 AM? Well.. everything is possible apparently.. :> I like this song, especially video. Be sure to check out the lyrics... and still of the girl in video.. Yummy.. Gotta love... those big.. eyes.. :>

More words.. more lyrics... aishiteimasu

Few things that I keep playing.. in random.. dunno why :)

Gary Jules - Mad World
Radiohead - Karma Police
Kenny Rogers - Gambler
Pizzicato Five - Baby Love Child

They put me in a kinda special mood.. well.. sometimes..

Taxicab confessions

Someone said once that taxi driver are different breed of people. On every altitude and longitude cabbies are perceived as
1) thieves
2) people you feel comfortable talking to about most intimate of intimate.

From time to time I travel by cab. Usually I take taxi when I'm in a hurry
or when I'm too drunk/*.* to travel by bus, or other means of transportation. And as everyone I tend to talk to drivers. Recently though I discovered that as much as I have an urge to talk to driver, so does he. For last few weeks, whenever I'm getting on a cab I wait for driver to kick off conversation. And they usually do. They just can't stand quiet customer I guess. After few blocks I hear something like 'So, how was the party, I understand you're coming home from a club', or 'How 'bout them [insert sport team name here] last match', 'ave you erd what that [insert politician name here] said/did recently? That bastard' or simply 'How 'bout weather, oh it's been raining whole morning, the road is all slippery'... Aaaand here starts the conversation.
If I don't respond or dismay them with 'I don't know/care' they usually shut up and don't bother with talking to me... but sometimes they just can't stop talking. They go on and on...
They really are different breed of people.. Really annoying one. Yet, I think you have to be in some way or the other open as a cab driver and be willing to not only listen but also eager to speak..

Pieprzony Madryt, pieprzony angielski

Wkurzylem się. 11 marca wkurzył mnie.
Przybyłem do pracy. Dzień jak codzień. Przeklikałem się przez pocztę,
w której jak zwykle ktoś chciał mi powiększyć penisa, sprzedać
Xanax, Viagre i masę antydepresantów opartych na fluoksetynie..
Potem czas na wiadomości.. z kraju i ze świata..
Madryt.
Bomba.
140 ofiar.. 150.. 160..
Telefon.. sms.. 'czy wszystko w porzadku?' 'tak'.. uff...
Niezasłużone nerwy... W imię czego? Nie chce mi się o tym myśleć, mówić...
Nie chcę... To tyle jeśli chodzi o Madryt..

Kolejny weekend :) Odreagować trzeba :)

it's been a while since I could see this clear.

Hey. I've been watching 'X-ray vision' flash movie in the inniki's home page. And it came to me that I owe youssa an update.

The title for this post comes from the 'X-ray vision'. That's what I do recently. Surf the web looking for funnies. For something to cheer me up. Recently my life got into this spin. It goes I've reached new low when it comes to terms of money problems.
It got me so bummed I couldn't write anything about what's was going on, since my mind was focused on not focusing on money matters.. In other words - it is all really weird for me these days.

I'm over 6000 euro debt, and I had to loan money from family, bank and friends to repay it. I try to keep it together and keep going.
I will get thru it. I always do, yet it is annoying beyond reason.

... so this is how it's like these days.. blah..

Who's in the axis of evil?

Crap. I thought those bad ass countries were worse.
I've read recently an interesting report from CIA regarding 'Nations hospitable to organized crime and terrorism'.

But I've learned that Canada has become a threat to USA.. Why you ask? Well...:
"A generous social-welfare system, lax immigration laws, infrequent prosecutions, light sentencing, [...] These factors combine to make Canada a favored destination for terrorists and international organized crime groups."

.. OK, so I guess many terrorists will be attracted by good social-welfare, pension plan, free healthcare.. that's pure nonsense if you ask me. And what do you mean by infrequent prosecution or light sentencing? USA has the highest rate of people in prison per capita. 700 out of 100,000 citizens is doing jail time at the moment. Does it really works? Countries with high imprisoned rate per capita are safer? Mob rulled Russia has over 650, Belarus rulled by despotic dictator has over 500. Canada has only 100... 7 times less.. And which country is more peaceful? Canada or USA?

"First, as a modern liberal democracy Canada possesses a number of features that make it hospitable to terrorists and international criminals. The Canadian Constitution guarantees rights such as the right to life, liberty, freedom of movement, freedom of speech, protection against unreasonable search and seizure, and protection against arbitrary detention or imprisonment that make it easier for terrorists and international criminals to operate."

Waaait a minute.. let me copy&paste two things:

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

I am speechless.. so basic human rights that were base of the Amendments to the US constitution are threat now? They aid to terrorist activities? WHAT THE HELL?

Countries like Belarus are potrayed as problematic. With corruption crippling government, drug smuggling mafia, and little arm deals with rogue countries. Yet Canada seems to be comfortable country to harbour terrorists.. And why? Cause it's democratic country with freedom of speech and gathering... Has Patriot Act and other acts introduced since then, done it's job already? US has no internal threat cause it become non-free country?
I think this report is one more wake up call for people in USA.
You are treated like cattle.
'War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strenght'.
Doesn't ring a bell? Read Orwell's 1984.

I'm going to Dante's Inferno...

Well according to this test, I'm doomed for eternity in Dante's Inferno's the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how I matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very High
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test