Skating - painful pleasure

Is it pleasure anyways? I've been ice skating yesterday for a very first time. I didn't quite get the buzz of it, yet everyone else seemed to have a lot of laughs with it. I end up with freezed off butt, and knee injury reminded of itself painfully. I think I need to get in shape :( I've been promised [or rather threatened] that I will learn [and there's no way of saying no] to ski. So, I doubt I will be alive in 2 months from now. I'll die crashed on some tree.. But hell, I don't see why I wouldn't do it. Time to do work.. Till then, bye bye.

Last lane for Friends

Friends are slowly becoming history. I remember 2 years ago I came back to watching Friends after quite a long break. Before that I just watched 2 and a half season, so I had quite much to catch up. I got hold of the whole series, watched all the eps [some back to back for few hours], and after all that, this series is funny and keeps me amused. I will surely miss friends. In some recent interview, Jennifer Aniston [Rachel] 'betrayed' friends by selling finale. I don't know how NBC but I would sue her ass right away :) I will miss Chandler the most, cause I kinda identify with this fella, I will miss Monica, and Phoebe, and Ross, and Joey... well Joey will return in Friends spinoff called.. 'Joey'.. due this fall.. None of the original characters apart from Matt LeBlanc [that is Joey] singed any deal or made comments, and some [like Rachel] are highly unlikely guests, not saying about recurring characters :)

Frankly fact that Joey is the one getting the series is kinda sad, when you look at tv history. Fonzie didn't make a great hit after spin-off from Happy Days.. OTOH, Frasier was a massive success after all popular Cheers.. so maybe it's Chandler who should be getting it's spin-off.. But that would mean that Monica [Courtney Cox-Arquette] would either be casted or cast-away...
Hey that's a great plot!
Chandler and Monica divorce would put Chandler in misery, he would become even more cynical and could start writing as he always wanted to!

Today was a crap day. Not to crap, weird nevertheless. I feel like drinking.. a lot.. OK, till then. bye bye.

Another Pink Floyd day

I'll start with a joke, okay?

Old man drags dog's dead body into the woods. Neighbour comes up:
- What happened mate?
- Oh, I had to shot him down.
- Was he mad?
- Well, he was not to keen on it for sure...

Oh anyways, back to Floyds. I'm at work, I should do few things and Floyds seem to be a good music for working. I hope others will share that opinion. I have about 6 hours ahead of sitting, doing silly things [and hopefuly few smart ones]. I should have watch 'Office Space', it would put me in a good mood. Oh, and I watched my first ep of BBC's series 'The Office'. OMG. This is the next best thing from BBC after Pythons themselves. Also I'm into 4th season of MPFC.. and I have to say - is it me, or they ran out of steam by 4th season? Cleese is not there, I miss something for sure, jokes are less witty.. But as history shows us, they made hell of a movies after that so I think 1) that was a break well deserved, 2) Thank god they haven't went on with that for like next 5 years. MPFC is now considedered one of the top 10 events in history of TV. Along with first moon landing, JFK assasination and final episode of MASH.

OK, till then. Bye, bye.

Believe in me

Believe in me because I don't believe in anything
and I want to be someone to believe

Well not only that, but entire song. Yeah, my life is just bunch of silly songs. I listen to the lyrics, and I find myself. I find myself lost.. lonely surrounded by people, laughing thru tears or crying thru laughter. My life is described by pop songs.. Well. At least that's how am I looking at. Maybe others see themselves between the lines of poetry, on the tv, in the eyes of the other person.. I don't know and I am not the one to judge about it. I am bored, pissed, bad mood generally... Fsck it... till then, bye bye.

LOTR triple bill

Hey, I've been to LOTR marathon. 3 LOTR movies back to back, one after the other.. real kick ass.. 10 hours straight, free coffee [it was from 10 PM till 8 AM], little snack.. bring it on!

Well, problem is that the day before I've been to company gig, got home 3 AM [or so] and instead of sleeping thru the day I had to visit few places, so I was rather exhausted. I barely managed not falling asleep during Two Towers, but Return of the king woke me up completely. I mean, this movie, watched even or maybe especially back to back tells a wonderful tale. If you are last person on earth that didn't see that movie - you should asap. And try to see it in the cinema. I watched it at home on DVD, but we all know it's just not the same.

In other news, lately I am taking some care with the webpage but I don't think it's really that visible. Actually it's not supposed to be. I'm thinking about rewriting all pages I maintain to XHTML, with flow CSS positioning. I mean I change _one_ file, and entire site changes. I set one tag, and it's universal. It's so convenient that I am surprised that - as very lazy person - I haven't used it before.. oh, bah, who cares. Peace I'm out.

Moore scared me

OK, I have to admit, Moore scared the bejesus out of me. I'm halfway listening to "Dude, where's my country?" audiobook and I have to say it's god damn scary stuff to read. I have never read horror story that was more scary. You know why? Cause it's all truth. Every single fact that is given is backed by reliable source [Yes, BBC is my prime source of reliable information, Faux News is NOT]. You must have heard it over the news from time to time, but when it's all put together it gives us very scary image of what is wrong with the current political situation.

I'm going thru 3rd chapter. And although I had chemistry in highschool I managed to forgot that plastic is made of oil.. Now. In 2 decades [more less] we will run out of oil. Imagine world without plastic. Most of the things I look at is either made or contains plastic in any form. This is really scary people and makes me want to round up everyone driving SUVs and Hummer vehicles and stab them in their eyes.. Oh.. if you lurve Hummer too just like me be sure to visit www.fuh2.com... OK, I'm off to work a bit. CU.

Henry speaks to me

I think you got a low self opinion man
I see you standing all by yourself
Unable to express the pain of your distress
You withdraw deeper inside
You alienate yourself
And everybody else
They wonder what's on your mind
They got so tired of you
And your self ridicule
They wrote you off and left you behind

Yeah that's something about me. I am. The. Low self opinion man. Come on.. Speak to me Henry... Henry -freakin- Rollins... I can say the guy is my personal hero. I don't quite follow him, but I admire him deeply. Rocker, actor, writer, poet, stand-up comedian, man of wit, publisher of music and books that have no chance in hell to reach mass market. Trully remarkable persona. I would really like to meet this guy. And with my luck.. I just might.. Somehow I feel it's feasible. I would like to shake his hand. Look in the eyes.. and say... 'Man. I hope in 20 years I will be just like you... yeah... just maybe with some girl and stuff like that...'.
There are people like me out there. Lost. Confused. Mislead, misguided, mistreated, mis*... Life is so uterly fucked up.
What is whole fucking meaning, purpose, goal, of this self-degradating process. I'm winding in this corporate machine. In few years there won't be place for 'jackal'. It will be Peter. Then Mr. Peter.

I've been told by someone who is not per se well-wisher, that I am not one who strays from the path. That was the best thing I have been told today. It gave me some boost. Made me believe in myself for a minute or so. Then it faded away...

In other news. I've been to rave-like new years eve party. Real kickass. Friends, acquaintants, friendly strangers. All bound by the music, the atmosphere that fell on that place and took thoughts away from the harshness. For the sake of auld lang syne

water

It's hot... why? cause it's boiling man...

Quidam

Du creux de toi
C'est bien le mal
Qui dresses tes silences.

From the void in you
comes the evil
which draws your empty words.

more... later...

Driving sideways...

Driving sideways
taken in by the scenery
as you're propelled along
And your companion
will not help you to navigate
for fear she may be wrong

Hey, this is track I just recalled, it comes from lovely Aimee Mann. I just understood what this song is about.
Anyways. Weekend is ovah, it's almost midnight and in few hours I will have to go to my place of employment and sit there on my ass for few hours with some really weird people I must say.

What else, what else. I don't know. I've been yesterday to the rave, I got really hammered, had some fun although I had some 'stomach sensations' after that plus massive hangover in the morning. Before the rave I went to some birthday. Lotsa weird posh people there, I didn't feel like I fit in, quite contrary. You know, people from marketing and public relations, VI-freakin-Ps, gold/platinum members of everything that's posh, worthless and soulless. One good thing - across the table, in front of me there was this girl with really nice breats and big decolletage.. Oh man it was sooo inspiring... mmm.... boobies...

OK, till then, bye bye.

The secret is to don't give a fsck.

Yeah, that's the big freakin' secret isn't it?
To not give a flying fsck.
Then you just might get lucky...
Or maybe no, I don't bloody know that.

Bath tub tap is okay, plummer came, installed it and it's okay. Thank god, I'm already running low on cash. The little access doors are yet still broken and I don't think it can be fixed. And I don't know where the receipt is so I cannot return it :( dang.

It's been quite busy and interesting week so far, and I'm looking forward for next 3 days.
Today I'm going to the rock concert with a friend. Backstage pass and afterparty included. Wohay!
Tomorrow I have test in Math (which I'm going to fscking fail again ;( ) and I have something aranged for the evening.. yet I still can't remember what it was, it will come to me eventually or maybe no.
Aaaand on saturday I'm going to my friends girlfriends friend birthday party and then to the rave.
I'm going to get sooo wasted. I'm already looking forward for puking and massive hangovers. But it's worth it I guess. There's nothing worse than boredom and nothingness that usually wraps up to be void called 'my life'.. Anywho. till then, bye bye. peace and I'm out..

Halfway weekend.. tough tough...

Been to the dentist today. Good news - most of my teeth are in perfect shape, bad news - 3 not.. Well actually 2 now, 1 has been fix0red. Cool. I was really afraid cause believe it or not except for check-ups this was my first visit to the dentist [and I haven't been for a check-up in 4 years].

I went to Leroy-Merlin to get new bath tub tap, 1) got fux0red one, 2) I forgot to stamp the warranty so I can kiss my money goodbye. I also bough little access doors to water meters.. and I haven't noticed one of the corners was damaged.. fuck..

I was supposed to go to the club today, not only that but help with organization and I backed out - reason - no money! :(

What else. I asked cute girl I met yesterday at the pub, and she stood me up.. what a weird day.. and it wasn't bad. I really enjoyed it believe me or not. Maybe cause of the anesthetic I was given in the morning at the dentist, or maybe it was just really interesting day.. Now it's almost midnight, new day comes and although it might be better, I don't think it will top today when it comes to being interesting..

In other news - you can now spy on me! :) I've installed webcam and link should be posted in menu on the right. Yeah, webcams are perverted sfw ;P :))) have fun, peace I'm out ;)

No, I am not fat bastard.. as intended..

I'm just stupid. Oh, and I'm a coward.. It came to me in a dream [for real].. In this dream I had someone I know stood up against and I backed out, although I had better chance against the evildoer [yeah, it's bushism :P]. I'm a fucking coward. Ditto. Peace, out.

Right is wrong, wrong is right, worse man wins

Do you sometimes have that feeling when you do something right that it's wrong, and opposite?

I did something that was good, honest and right [in my opinion at least that is], yet I feel bad cause this may have bad outcome. Shit, I hate this kind of situations.

I spoke yesterday to a friend of mine, the most honest and loyal man I know. We came to conclusion [after few beers] that being good guy 1) sucks, 2) have no future. What's the use of being good, noone will care about it, you miss opportunities cause you have stupid things like 'rules'. Most of all it makes us, good guys, unhappy. So what's the fucking point? There's no point, nothing, nada, zip. Fuck it.

So will Jackal be fat bastard? Who knows... maybe.. we'll see ;) Till then, bye bye.

Old friends

I've met two old friends yesterday. I haven't seen both in a very long time.
It's funny how time goes by. You eat at McDonalds [yeah, yeah I know] and across the room you see friend you haven't seen in 2 years. Someone you used to see on daily basis. In the pub, at the party, wherever. Then it suddenly stops.. No news, no info, nothing. Time goes by. And you meet again.

Anywho, in unrelated notice I picked interesting exerpt from Bill Hicks 'Relentless' stand up show. It's about drugs and I find it very amusing. I hope you will too, get it here..

It came to me suddenly

Drugs.... drugs man.. drugs are bad, get it?
Yet.. You look down the bottle, smoke that cig or joint, eat that pill and for a moment you are in oblivion. You're in heaven, valhalla in zzion... Wherever the fuck you want to be..

Or maybe you should just be here. I know it's dull, and not very uplifting place and very often 'here' sucks, but 'here' is the only place we've got...
Who knows.. I'm not the one to judge this. I know I am here, and I awfuly would like to be some place else. Somewhere with someone, somewhere with noone, anywhere with anyone, anywhere with noone.

Being... just being...

At one point the time and space fractures, bends and unveils wonders that were never ment to be seen.. Next time you try to find that point... Please be advised, this may end bad... Again.. who am I to judge.. I will seek this point again.. and again.. until the end :(

Living among people

Living among people is like swimming in the ocean.
You are surrounded by water, yet you can die from thirst...

I've been asked today why although I can have access to everything I need and desire (fun, movies, drink and dance), am I so deeply unhappy. And the above sentence came to my head.

I am meteorite, flying thru space, passing other people like planets, heading for unknown yet inevitable. Sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes near, usually far, far away. Void behind me, void infront of me. I am passing your sight, and yet you may not notice me at all, blinded by the sun or shortsighted by clouds...

Maybe I will float away, reach some place where my existance will end or maybe I will come back many times only to remind you that I am here and I will be back again..

Outside

I feel so... weird...

All the times, that I felt like this won't end
It's for you
And I taste, what I could never have
It was from you
All the times, that I've tried
My intentions... Full of pride...
But I waste, more time than anyone

/Staind-Outside/

Mein Lebenschmerz

What can I say. Mein Schmerz des Lebens, goes on. And until Det Tod comes for me I have to stick around.
Surrounded, pressed against the wall, doing things against my will.
Trying to find way, trying to meet right people, avoid wrong ones. Making decisions. One after other. Only to find out that they were all wrong.
I looked back. A year have passed.. One year, one month and one day. And few hours. Since I had my chance to turn my world around. I even tried, but I have failed along the way. 3 months into that 1Y1M1D period it was going well. I even had chance to change some things about my life. Chance I didn't see at the moment, and the chance I eventually missed. Lebenschmerz goes on.

I'm eating candy bar I bought downstairs
Label on inside of the wrapping says "Sorry, that's the wrong bar".
.. I didn't win.. again.
Maybe among dozens of candy bars in the shop downstair there's a "You have won 3000 Euro" bar..
And maybe someone will pick it up, eat the candy bar and threw away the wrapping.. 3000 Euro will be lost.. Nobody wins, nobody is happy. But that's not bothering me. That's just luck, but many things are not luck, but decissions.

Again and again. I continue to make wrong decissions. Some of them are not my fault, many are. And being fully aware of the wrong decisions I have made, situations I have made them into and the rest of it I feel really bad about myself, my life.. and that is my Lebenschmerz..

peace

Man from UNKLE

Just kidding, I'm not about that cheesy show.

Actually I'm listening to recent UNKLE album - Never never land.
Aaaand I watched Scary Movie 3 yesterday [finally].
What can I say, I can go both with high brow and low brow entertainment..
I've read recently on ./ about this guy, Michael Hanscom sacked from Microsoft after posting photo of Macs G5 being delivered to Microsoft facility he used to be employee of. I think M$ went little over the edge with this one, I think that he should get some kind of the reprimend but sacking him was way too harsh.
A friend of mine, Hardcore [renowned DJ btw] was sacked as SysAdm at Gazeta Wyborcza daily after his boss read on usenet about some comment of HC abusing drugs at some party.

In other news. Fox News denies any plans of sueing Fox [yeah, it's same happy company] over Simpsons episode mocking Fox News and it's devotion to Republican party. But in every even false story there's a seed of truth. I don't think Matt Groening just went on national radio and spoke out of his ass, come on :)

Blah. Whatever. Till then, bye bye.