Right is wrong, wrong is right, worse man wins

Do you sometimes have that feeling when you do something right that it's wrong, and opposite?

I did something that was good, honest and right [in my opinion at least that is], yet I feel bad cause this may have bad outcome. Shit, I hate this kind of situations.

I spoke yesterday to a friend of mine, the most honest and loyal man I know. We came to conclusion [after few beers] that being good guy 1) sucks, 2) have no future. What's the use of being good, noone will care about it, you miss opportunities cause you have stupid things like 'rules'. Most of all it makes us, good guys, unhappy. So what's the fucking point? There's no point, nothing, nada, zip. Fuck it.

So will Jackal be fat bastard? Who knows... maybe.. we'll see ;) Till then, bye bye.

Old friends

I've met two old friends yesterday. I haven't seen both in a very long time.
It's funny how time goes by. You eat at McDonalds [yeah, yeah I know] and across the room you see friend you haven't seen in 2 years. Someone you used to see on daily basis. In the pub, at the party, wherever. Then it suddenly stops.. No news, no info, nothing. Time goes by. And you meet again.

Anywho, in unrelated notice I picked interesting exerpt from Bill Hicks 'Relentless' stand up show. It's about drugs and I find it very amusing. I hope you will too, get it here..

It came to me suddenly

Drugs.... drugs man.. drugs are bad, get it?
Yet.. You look down the bottle, smoke that cig or joint, eat that pill and for a moment you are in oblivion. You're in heaven, valhalla in zzion... Wherever the fuck you want to be..

Or maybe you should just be here. I know it's dull, and not very uplifting place and very often 'here' sucks, but 'here' is the only place we've got...
Who knows.. I'm not the one to judge this. I know I am here, and I awfuly would like to be some place else. Somewhere with someone, somewhere with noone, anywhere with anyone, anywhere with noone.

Being... just being...

At one point the time and space fractures, bends and unveils wonders that were never ment to be seen.. Next time you try to find that point... Please be advised, this may end bad... Again.. who am I to judge.. I will seek this point again.. and again.. until the end :(

Living among people

Living among people is like swimming in the ocean.
You are surrounded by water, yet you can die from thirst...

I've been asked today why although I can have access to everything I need and desire (fun, movies, drink and dance), am I so deeply unhappy. And the above sentence came to my head.

I am meteorite, flying thru space, passing other people like planets, heading for unknown yet inevitable. Sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes near, usually far, far away. Void behind me, void infront of me. I am passing your sight, and yet you may not notice me at all, blinded by the sun or shortsighted by clouds...

Maybe I will float away, reach some place where my existance will end or maybe I will come back many times only to remind you that I am here and I will be back again..

Outside

I feel so... weird...

All the times, that I felt like this won't end
It's for you
And I taste, what I could never have
It was from you
All the times, that I've tried
My intentions... Full of pride...
But I waste, more time than anyone

/Staind-Outside/

Mein Lebenschmerz

What can I say. Mein Schmerz des Lebens, goes on. And until Det Tod comes for me I have to stick around.
Surrounded, pressed against the wall, doing things against my will.
Trying to find way, trying to meet right people, avoid wrong ones. Making decisions. One after other. Only to find out that they were all wrong.
I looked back. A year have passed.. One year, one month and one day. And few hours. Since I had my chance to turn my world around. I even tried, but I have failed along the way. 3 months into that 1Y1M1D period it was going well. I even had chance to change some things about my life. Chance I didn't see at the moment, and the chance I eventually missed. Lebenschmerz goes on.

I'm eating candy bar I bought downstairs
Label on inside of the wrapping says "Sorry, that's the wrong bar".
.. I didn't win.. again.
Maybe among dozens of candy bars in the shop downstair there's a "You have won 3000 Euro" bar..
And maybe someone will pick it up, eat the candy bar and threw away the wrapping.. 3000 Euro will be lost.. Nobody wins, nobody is happy. But that's not bothering me. That's just luck, but many things are not luck, but decissions.

Again and again. I continue to make wrong decissions. Some of them are not my fault, many are. And being fully aware of the wrong decisions I have made, situations I have made them into and the rest of it I feel really bad about myself, my life.. and that is my Lebenschmerz..

peace

Man from UNKLE

Just kidding, I'm not about that cheesy show.

Actually I'm listening to recent UNKLE album - Never never land.
Aaaand I watched Scary Movie 3 yesterday [finally].
What can I say, I can go both with high brow and low brow entertainment..
I've read recently on ./ about this guy, Michael Hanscom sacked from Microsoft after posting photo of Macs G5 being delivered to Microsoft facility he used to be employee of. I think M$ went little over the edge with this one, I think that he should get some kind of the reprimend but sacking him was way too harsh.
A friend of mine, Hardcore [renowned DJ btw] was sacked as SysAdm at Gazeta Wyborcza daily after his boss read on usenet about some comment of HC abusing drugs at some party.

In other news. Fox News denies any plans of sueing Fox [yeah, it's same happy company] over Simpsons episode mocking Fox News and it's devotion to Republican party. But in every even false story there's a seed of truth. I don't think Matt Groening just went on national radio and spoke out of his ass, come on :)

Blah. Whatever. Till then, bye bye.