Personality Disorder Test

Here are my results:

Disorder	Rating	Information
Paranoid:	Moderate	click for info
Schizoid:	High	click for info
Schizotypal:	Very High	click for info
Antisocial:	Low	click for info
Borderline:	Moderate	click for info
Histrionic:	High	click for info
Narcissistic:	Low	click for info
Avoidant:	High	click for info
Dependent:	Very High	click for info
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate	click for info

Well, I can say I don't agree that I'm 'Schizoid' especially cause I'm not 'Antisocial', and I think I'm more 'Borderline' than the test shows.. still other characteristics match more less.
What's your disorder?

Baldly going bald...

I've been told that maybe I should shave my head since I'm going bald anyways.

Maybe I should do so.. maybe not.. I don't know. For start I think it's usually very pretentious and it doesn't look good. At least for white guys. Come on..

Or maybe it's a pride thing. Got to go back to work now :(
Till then, bye bye.

Somethingswrong

There's something's wrong. With me. With the world. Or with my perception of it. We don't quite fit. Something's got to change.

I wish I was a hippy

I wish I was there. In San Francisco.. in 1960s. Whom would I be if I was there.. If I was then. Would I be among those who praised conservative way of living or would I follow the lsd-driven, crazed SF Rock movement. I'd hope the latter.

I've been quiet for last few days.. there has been some tribulations in my life. Instead of working out, things seem to stack up more and more over my head. I can't find peace right now, but I hope I will work it out eventually.

I look up above, and see the gray sky. The winter time makes me sad. I yearn for spring and summer. I want to walk the green forrest. I want to look up and see blue sky. I want to stay up all night to see the sunset and not freeze my butt off. Right now I have to look upon this grey world. Some say winter is white. Snow is, but as soon as it lands on the ground it either melts or gets gray. Maybe mountains are beautiful and peaceful this time of the year, but city is gray, unfriendly and cold wind blowing between buildings adds to the windchill.

It's january. So until mid march I can't expect anything to blossom. It will be 3 or 4 months of this dull misery untill blissful springs sprungs from the ground and chases gray winter away. I hope I will make it till then.. I hope... for once..
Till then, bye bye.

I found this very fitting somehow...

Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger.

-- Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials

I would use some chicken soup

I think I have a flu, or I'm getting one :( I need some chicken soup or something. I've been waking up every morning with slight sore throat for the past few days, but I ran out of medicine to fight it and I end up waking today with headache and very sore throat. This adds to my list of 'how freakin wonderful is everything for me'. I don't want to be whiny, but I just can't say that glass is half full when it's not filled with anything. It's empty.

In other news. I read today that Churchill's parrot - Charlie is still alive and well. At least she has strength to curse Hitler and Nazis. Good for her :) 104 is a long life as for a parrot. If only she could say something from herself not just repeat colourful language that Churchill used to describe his sworn enemies...

I'm off for a lunch. I will have some hot soup, maybe that will help.

SMS just came in

'Your service has been activated 19 January at 16:50'...


What do I care?


Most of that sh*te I get is 'your bill is due' or 'service suspended' or 'win xxxxxx in our fabulous game'...

Yet my bill again skyrocketed.. After this contract is finished I think I will suspend my cellphone number. Or quit the service at all. I'm sick of it.

f*ck

I don't wanna say anything today

I don't

I wanna kill someone, make someone hurt, feel pain..

Preferably myself.

It wasn't me. It was not my fault. I didn't do it. Why do I have to be the one to carry that burden. I know my sins. I know them all too well. It is just not one of them.

Snoozin'

Hey hey hey I woke up
Late.. with hangover.. That's most peculiar cause I did't drink anything last night, and I had hangover, and I had holes in my memory, everything seemed blurry. I think I just had a busy week or something. Anyways, the day is young still and I think I will go out this evening. Nice party at my favourite club [well also only I go to anyways cause I'm lazy to check out others]... Will see will see.. till then, bye bye

Eowyn - The White Lady of Rohan

"The White Lady of Rohan, Eowyn of Rohan, The Lady, Lady of the Shield-Arm, Maiden of the Rohirrim, Dernhelm, White Lady of Ithilian, I add Steelsheen, I think it fitting"
Recent week has been filled with talking about LOTR and it's characters. It turns out the cutest male character was Aragorn. When it comes to females it's without any doubt Eowyn. Both Arwen and Galadriel miss that certain quality.
It was not clear in the movie, but Aragorn had tough times choosing between Eowyn for which he started to fall for, and Arwen. He chose Arwen because he promised himself to her. Eowyn weds Faramir, brother of Boromir, son of Denethor II, house of Ruling Stewards of Gondor... Yeah, it seems I'm getting more and more interested by Middle-Earth and it's history :)

Deep in my heart I am geek and anorak after all.. :)

Skating - painful pleasure

Is it pleasure anyways? I've been ice skating yesterday for a very first time. I didn't quite get the buzz of it, yet everyone else seemed to have a lot of laughs with it. I end up with freezed off butt, and knee injury reminded of itself painfully. I think I need to get in shape :( I've been promised [or rather threatened] that I will learn [and there's no way of saying no] to ski. So, I doubt I will be alive in 2 months from now. I'll die crashed on some tree.. But hell, I don't see why I wouldn't do it. Time to do work.. Till then, bye bye.

Last lane for Friends

Friends are slowly becoming history. I remember 2 years ago I came back to watching Friends after quite a long break. Before that I just watched 2 and a half season, so I had quite much to catch up. I got hold of the whole series, watched all the eps [some back to back for few hours], and after all that, this series is funny and keeps me amused. I will surely miss friends. In some recent interview, Jennifer Aniston [Rachel] 'betrayed' friends by selling finale. I don't know how NBC but I would sue her ass right away :) I will miss Chandler the most, cause I kinda identify with this fella, I will miss Monica, and Phoebe, and Ross, and Joey... well Joey will return in Friends spinoff called.. 'Joey'.. due this fall.. None of the original characters apart from Matt LeBlanc [that is Joey] singed any deal or made comments, and some [like Rachel] are highly unlikely guests, not saying about recurring characters :)

Frankly fact that Joey is the one getting the series is kinda sad, when you look at tv history. Fonzie didn't make a great hit after spin-off from Happy Days.. OTOH, Frasier was a massive success after all popular Cheers.. so maybe it's Chandler who should be getting it's spin-off.. But that would mean that Monica [Courtney Cox-Arquette] would either be casted or cast-away...
Hey that's a great plot!
Chandler and Monica divorce would put Chandler in misery, he would become even more cynical and could start writing as he always wanted to!

Today was a crap day. Not to crap, weird nevertheless. I feel like drinking.. a lot.. OK, till then. bye bye.

Another Pink Floyd day

I'll start with a joke, okay?

Old man drags dog's dead body into the woods. Neighbour comes up:
- What happened mate?
- Oh, I had to shot him down.
- Was he mad?
- Well, he was not to keen on it for sure...

Oh anyways, back to Floyds. I'm at work, I should do few things and Floyds seem to be a good music for working. I hope others will share that opinion. I have about 6 hours ahead of sitting, doing silly things [and hopefuly few smart ones]. I should have watch 'Office Space', it would put me in a good mood. Oh, and I watched my first ep of BBC's series 'The Office'. OMG. This is the next best thing from BBC after Pythons themselves. Also I'm into 4th season of MPFC.. and I have to say - is it me, or they ran out of steam by 4th season? Cleese is not there, I miss something for sure, jokes are less witty.. But as history shows us, they made hell of a movies after that so I think 1) that was a break well deserved, 2) Thank god they haven't went on with that for like next 5 years. MPFC is now considedered one of the top 10 events in history of TV. Along with first moon landing, JFK assasination and final episode of MASH.

OK, till then. Bye, bye.

Believe in me

Believe in me because I don't believe in anything
and I want to be someone to believe

Well not only that, but entire song. Yeah, my life is just bunch of silly songs. I listen to the lyrics, and I find myself. I find myself lost.. lonely surrounded by people, laughing thru tears or crying thru laughter. My life is described by pop songs.. Well. At least that's how am I looking at. Maybe others see themselves between the lines of poetry, on the tv, in the eyes of the other person.. I don't know and I am not the one to judge about it. I am bored, pissed, bad mood generally... Fsck it... till then, bye bye.

LOTR triple bill

Hey, I've been to LOTR marathon. 3 LOTR movies back to back, one after the other.. real kick ass.. 10 hours straight, free coffee [it was from 10 PM till 8 AM], little snack.. bring it on!

Well, problem is that the day before I've been to company gig, got home 3 AM [or so] and instead of sleeping thru the day I had to visit few places, so I was rather exhausted. I barely managed not falling asleep during Two Towers, but Return of the king woke me up completely. I mean, this movie, watched even or maybe especially back to back tells a wonderful tale. If you are last person on earth that didn't see that movie - you should asap. And try to see it in the cinema. I watched it at home on DVD, but we all know it's just not the same.

In other news, lately I am taking some care with the webpage but I don't think it's really that visible. Actually it's not supposed to be. I'm thinking about rewriting all pages I maintain to XHTML, with flow CSS positioning. I mean I change _one_ file, and entire site changes. I set one tag, and it's universal. It's so convenient that I am surprised that - as very lazy person - I haven't used it before.. oh, bah, who cares. Peace I'm out.

Moore scared me

OK, I have to admit, Moore scared the bejesus out of me. I'm halfway listening to "Dude, where's my country?" audiobook and I have to say it's god damn scary stuff to read. I have never read horror story that was more scary. You know why? Cause it's all truth. Every single fact that is given is backed by reliable source [Yes, BBC is my prime source of reliable information, Faux News is NOT]. You must have heard it over the news from time to time, but when it's all put together it gives us very scary image of what is wrong with the current political situation.

I'm going thru 3rd chapter. And although I had chemistry in highschool I managed to forgot that plastic is made of oil.. Now. In 2 decades [more less] we will run out of oil. Imagine world without plastic. Most of the things I look at is either made or contains plastic in any form. This is really scary people and makes me want to round up everyone driving SUVs and Hummer vehicles and stab them in their eyes.. Oh.. if you lurve Hummer too just like me be sure to visit www.fuh2.com... OK, I'm off to work a bit. CU.

Henry speaks to me

I think you got a low self opinion man
I see you standing all by yourself
Unable to express the pain of your distress
You withdraw deeper inside
You alienate yourself
And everybody else
They wonder what's on your mind
They got so tired of you
And your self ridicule
They wrote you off and left you behind

Yeah that's something about me. I am. The. Low self opinion man. Come on.. Speak to me Henry... Henry -freakin- Rollins... I can say the guy is my personal hero. I don't quite follow him, but I admire him deeply. Rocker, actor, writer, poet, stand-up comedian, man of wit, publisher of music and books that have no chance in hell to reach mass market. Trully remarkable persona. I would really like to meet this guy. And with my luck.. I just might.. Somehow I feel it's feasible. I would like to shake his hand. Look in the eyes.. and say... 'Man. I hope in 20 years I will be just like you... yeah... just maybe with some girl and stuff like that...'.
There are people like me out there. Lost. Confused. Mislead, misguided, mistreated, mis*... Life is so uterly fucked up.
What is whole fucking meaning, purpose, goal, of this self-degradating process. I'm winding in this corporate machine. In few years there won't be place for 'jackal'. It will be Peter. Then Mr. Peter.

I've been told by someone who is not per se well-wisher, that I am not one who strays from the path. That was the best thing I have been told today. It gave me some boost. Made me believe in myself for a minute or so. Then it faded away...

In other news. I've been to rave-like new years eve party. Real kickass. Friends, acquaintants, friendly strangers. All bound by the music, the atmosphere that fell on that place and took thoughts away from the harshness. For the sake of auld lang syne